


A life unbearably cruel

by moonsbbin



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Assassination, Cheating, Drug Addiction, Drugs, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Please Read A/N Before Each Chapter, Social Novel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:20:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29962191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsbbin/pseuds/moonsbbin
Summary: What is perfection, you may ask. Perfection, as a whole? In a person? In a place? What is perfection, where is it? Can you touch it, smell it, feel it? Is it unique, or does it change with the person you’re asking?What is perfection?
Relationships: Choi Chanhee | New/Kim Younghoon, Choi Chanhee | New/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae, Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Juyeon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	A life unbearably cruel

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to this little project I started a few days ago! As the tags suggest, each chapter is dedicated to a member, and each one has a different story. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this first chapter and the rest of them. You can ask me whatever on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonsbbin) or on [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/moonsbbin)!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: cheating, alcohol, driving drunk (nothing happens), assassination.

What is perfection, you may ask. Perfection, as a whole? In a person? In a place? What is perfection, where is it? Can you touch it, smell it,  _ feel  _ it? Is it unique, or does it change with the person you’re asking?

What is perfection?

Juyeon has rummaged for an answer for all his life. Being taught that perfection is what he should be, but nobody ever telling him what he was aiming for. Ever since he was a little kid, every single day he stepped a little closer to what his parents wanted him to be.

Now, he’s a medical student just a few months shy of finishing his major, having managed to make his family proud, not caring about sacrificing his own happiness to achieve it. You may ask if he really wants to be a doctor.

The answer is no.

You may ask if he wants to be with the girl his parents not-so-subtly engaged him with.

The answer is no.

But Juyeon thinks that he lives in a world that has no place for choices. Because he has been raised that way. He doesn’t think he has ever made a choice for himself, but he thinks that it’s okay. He must assume that his parents want the best for him, which is true, but to which cost? He’s twenty-five years old, and when he hears the stories his few friends talk about when they meet every two Saturdays — religiously, as if they were some kind of cult that instead of making rituals goes to the same coffee shop every single time — he notices that his life is a little different to theirs. 

They talk about unbridled parties, alcohol and drugs involved, sex, damn wild things with it, telling stories about cheating, blowing, sucking, eating, kissing, inimaginable things for him. He’s no virgin, again, he’s  _ engaged _ and makes sure to fulfill his girlfriend’s desires, but he has never done, or even  _ thought of doing _ any of the things they talk about.

The topic always comes. It’s normal, Juyeon thinks, even now that the small group is gathering around their usual table, coffee in hand and a cupcake staring deep into his soul. 

“Why do you think I did it?” Minho asks Yongbin, a smile on his face and a sparkle in his eyes. Juyeon watches attentively, seeing how Yongbin punches Minho’s sternum in a playful way. Taehyun, by his side, just watches the scene, an amused smirk on his lips as he sips on his Irish coffee. Juyeon can smell the stink of the whisky even from where he is, a good meter away from him. 

“Our youngest, he’s starting to get out of hand.” Yongbin says lightheartedly and sips on his coffee, fixing the shirt under his knit vest. “You shouldn’t go to parties anymore, only God knows how many chicks you have left pregnant already.”

Juyeon smiles along with the others, even if he doesn’t understand the joke, and that’s how it goes. It’s a routine, his whole life is. Calculated to the last millimeter, almost handmade and definitely not natural at all. His friends joke that he almost looks like a robot sometimes. And damn, maybe he is one.

He doesn’t even understand where he got these friends. It had been sort of casual. He met Taehyun the first time he stepped into the campus, seeing a very lost boy inside his eyes. That’s how he also met Yongbin, him being the one Taehyun spent hours searching for. In consequence, he met Minho, a guy that didn’t study and just went out to party, drink and get wasted in cocaine. They’re not a common group of friends. They know that far, but they think it’s okay. Juyeon enjoys their company as he uses them as an excuse to somehow run away from his house. 

“Juyeonie, are you home already?”

His house, may it be damned. 

Women are evil, his own mom taught him that.  _ “Never trust a woman that has her pockets empty, or she will drain every single cent from you.”  _ or  _ “They’re like a dark hole, once you get inside them there’s no way of turning back.” _ He laughed at first and gave her +5 points for the sex joke, but he was only fifteen back then. 

Now that he’s quite forced to live with his fiance, he doesn’t think she was that wrong.

He doesn’t remember how he met Sooyoung, but he knows that she has been in his life for long enough for her to _drain him,_ economically, physically and mentally. He remembers playing with her in the backyard, going to the community pool with her and their parents when they were little kids, and even if they went to separate high schools, he remembers the weekly Sunday lunch meetings after church both families always did. At some point, their parents decided to engage them, thinking that as childhood friends they would be a good couple, get married and give them beautiful grandchildren.

But their relationship is hell.

They can’t say they didn’t try. Because they did. They talked about it at first, and even if it was awkward, as they didn’t even like each other farther than friendly, they tried to make it work just to make their families happy. Even after doing the impossible and more, it doesn’t seem to work. 

“I am.” He takes off his shoes at the entrance and meets her in the middle of the hallway, holding her waist with one hand and her hipbone with the other leaning down to give a soft peck to her glossy lips. Even inside their house, it’s important to keep up the appearances. It’s a way of getting used to it, more than anything. And a kiss doesn’t hurt anyone. She’s wearing nothing more than an old tee and her black lace panties, making Juyeon a bit lightheaded, but he composes himself quickly with a shake of his head, walking to their room to change his clothes.

Because yes, he might not love her, but he’s a man, he has eyes and Sooyoung is exorbitantly hot, long pale legs and curves to die for. His friends joke about it often, about how such a shy boy like him got a sexy girlfriend like her. He just shrugs and smiles each time they say that, brushing it off. She may look like an angel with the body of a demon, but in reality she’s just a demon with a perfect body that Juyeon, ironically, sometimes qualifies as angelic. 

“Did you have fun?” She enters the room with him, closing the door behind her and sitting on the bed. She hooks her delicate fingers around Juyeon’s belt loops and pulls him closer, unfastening his leather belt and throwing it to the floor.

“I did.” He doesn’t even try to stop her when she unzips his jeans and pulls them down with his underwear, yelping at the sudden cold air hitting his exposed skin. “What are you doing?”

Normally, he doesn’t ask. He just lets himself be handled as she wants, because that’s a way of making her happy. A year into their relationship they made a deal to have sex whenever she wanted or she would cheat on him, throwing his family’s name to the trashcan immediately. Juyeon, the good son he is, accepted, scared for his parents more than for himself. He doesn’t mind some sex here and there. It’s not like he fully enjoys it, not seeing the fun behind it, but he still does it. To make Sooyoung happy.

What he didn’t know when he accepted that deal was Sooyoung’s crazy libido. She’s up to it all the time, when they wake up, when she showers and calls Juyeon to join her, when she’s cooking and makes him bend her over the counter, or when in times like this, she catches Juyeon off-guard and traps him in her magic spell. And those times are very common between them, Juyeon not being able to be subtle about how much her body turns him on.

“Just helping you out of your clothes.” She’s even less subtle than Juyeon. He can see the way she presses her thighs together and squirms where she’s seated, ignoring the half-hard dick in front of her face to start unbuttoning Juyeon’s shirt slowly. He always does well in keeping himself composed, but maybe it’s the fact that it's been around a week without sex for them what makes him grow desperate, whining when he’s finally completely naked — and hard — in front of her.

She eyes him up, grinning like a teenager when she takes her shirt off and later her panties, still closing her legs as if she was keeping a secret. Her body looks as breathtaking as it has always done, and he wants to raise his hand to touch even if he knows he’s not allowed to. It takes all his willpower to look at her eyes and not let himself wander down to her breasts, or even more down to where her warmth is staining the bed sheets wet. 

“You’re taking too long.” She opens her legs all of a sudden, Juyeon inevitably looking at the way she touches herself with two fingers, seeing as the digits disappear inside of her and her head tilts back in pure pleasure. Juyeon doesn’t even know how to breathe anymore, his hands making tight fists by his sides in an attempt to not move. Her moans sound almost melodic, too pretty to be entirely real, but he knows she’s not faking it. She’s very clear when she doesn’t enjoy something.

“What s-should I do.” He stutters when he sees her moving her fingers to her clit and her free hand to one of her nipples, teasing him way more than herself. He’s already pathetically leaking, desperate for anything she can give him.

“You know what to do.” She removes both hands from her body and lays on the bed, her legs still spread open for Juyeon to settle in. “Fuck me.”

And of course, Juyeon being Juyeon, he does.

  
  


*****

  
  


Every morning is as monotone as the previous one. He wakes up naked to an empty bed, Sooyoung always leaving really early in the morning for her pilates session. Juyeon doesn’t bother to get dressed, not even underwear, so he makes his way to the kitchen completely bare, drinking the already cold coffee his girlfriend prepared and grabbing two single cookies that lay on the counter, forgotten. 

Today is Sunday, so he has nothing to do apart from staring at the wall until he completely loses his mind. It’s still 10am, Sooyoung probably not arriving in two hours or even more, and when she does come, he knows what will happen. She will step into the shower, call his name exactly one minute and twenty seconds after she closes the door and make him join her. 

Juyeon hates shower sex with a passion, but it’s what he has to do. She has him taken by the balls, a single stare enough of a reminder of their little deal. 

Then, after the way-too-long shower, they will get dressed in well-ironed formal clothes to go have lunch with their families as they had been doing ever since they remember. The difference is that now, instead of going to church, the couple has sex. Sooyoung thinks it’s funny, but it makes Juyeon want to scream. He hates being with her, hates being almost her sex slave yet to have to show a composed face to their parents every single week. To lie to his mom’s face and tell her that they’re doing good when he’s just one heartbeat closer to either end his life or Sooyoung’s, whatever comes closer.

The hours go by quickly that morning. When Sooyoung arrives and sees her boyfriend’s conveniently naked body, the cycle of each Sunday starts, just as Juyeon expected, and finishes when they step inside his parent’s house. His shirt is a little too tight against his skin, and his slacks would make him feel out of place if it wasn’t because both his and Sooyoung’s fathers are clad in practically the same attire. Sooyoung is wearing a tight, short black dress that he, from experience, knows how appropriate it is for a few obscene touches. He hopes that she will have a little bit of decency this time and won’t ask him to finger her in his parent’s bathroom like she did last week.

“How are the studies going, Juyeon.” Always the same question, that has always the same answer. 

“They’re going well, Mr Park, just a few more finals closer to my goal.”

“Juyeon is so good, am I wrong?” It’s his mom now, the one to speak as she cuts the salmon on her plate in small pieces. Sooyoung is sitting in front of him as she always does, teasing his shin with a bare foot as she always does, trying to make him stutter  _ as she always does. _ Sometimes, he wonders if she’s really attracted to him beyond his body — his  _ dick, _ she usually clarifies — with how obsessed she is with him. He’s clever enough to know that she isn’t.

“He is.” Sooyoung replies, the smile on her face almost as fake as her moans earlier that morning in the shower. She didn’t even bother to make them realistic. “He is working really hard to have the best marks in his class, and I’m sure that he will achieve it.”

She holds Juyeon’s hand over the table, just for the sake of the show, at the same time that her foot presses over his crotch  _ hard, _ an attempt to earn any kind of reaction that could embarrass him in front of their families. Juyeon doesn’t even flinch. 

“That’s a good thing to hear.” Juyeon’s father speaks now, his voice solemn. That can only mean one thing: he has something else to say, and whatever it is, it mustn’t be good. Sooyoung feels it as well, withdrawing his foot and sitting straighter on the chair. “Now that you’re graduating, Juyeon, I think it’s time to start thinking about your wedding with Sooyoung.”

The whole room falls silent, four pairs of eyes fixed on the couple. When Juyeon looks up at Sooyoung, her skin is snow white, and he figures that his own must be just the same. They exchange looks but none of them dare to say a word, their throats suddenly dry. 

“We think that it’s already been enough time of you two getting used to living together.” It’s Sooyoung’s father this time, her breath visibly stuttering. “And now that Juyeon will graduate, you two should get married and start a family.”

Both Juyeon and Sooyoung know that they don’t have any choice, so they remain silent, keeping their thoughts to themselves. This is the moment they’ve been fearing for years. The first time one of their parents mentioned it, they had Juyeon’s studies as an excuse. Now, though, there’s nothing to make excuses for. They will have to get married and pretend to be happy, have the kids Sooyoung  _ doesn’t _ want and give their families the life they couldn’t have. 

The rest of the lunch is finished in silence. Mr Park doesn’t need an answer, because he has had it since the beginning, so, with a grin on his and — honestly — all of their parent’s faces, they eat their whole meals, say their goodbyes, and finally, after what seems like hours for the couple, arrive home.

“We should’ve seen that coming.” Sooyoung speaks when they get in Juyeon’s car, the engine growling under them. “They have us wrapped around their fingers.”

“You know they always have.” His gaze is set on the road, not daring to look at the way she’s staring at him. She always claimed that he looked hot while driving. He wonders if now that he’s mad too, her kink is worth two. “Why did you do that with your foot, by the way? We explicitly agreed that we wouldn’t… Do that. In public, you know.”

“Did it bother you?” She’s being cheeky and she knows it. Maybe to make Juyeon angrier, maybe for her own fun, he will never know. It’s not like he even tries to understand what she does. Her brain is a maze with no exit.

“It did.” He grips the steering wheel tighter, joining the highway way faster than what he should. “A lot, actually. And you didn’t answer my question.”

“You’re so fucking annoying, Juyeon.” She leans back on her seat, lifting her legs to cross them on top of the dashboard. “I did it because I thought it was fun. Nothing happened, right? Then don’t be a bitch about it.”

“When you want to, you’re so damn tiresome.” He goes faster to pass a few cars. His hands start to tremble around the wheel, not even a few deep breaths calming him down. He wants to punch her until she shuts up  _ so _ badly, but of course he would never do that. 

“Say whatever you want. I hope you use that anger of yours to fuck me when we get home.” She scoffs before speaking, later stretching her arms over her head and leaving them to rest on the headrest behind her. 

Juyeon has to hold his breath before replying to her, the words coming out of his mouth being ones that he never thought he would say to her. “I’m not going to fuck you, Sooyoung.”

“Are you an idiot?” She moves to the left, almost grabbing Juyeon’s arm before remembering that he’s still driving. “You don’t remember our deal or what?”

“I remember it.” He’s calmer now, the silent breathing exercises he has been doing for a few minutes finally taking effect. “But I’ve been fucking you every single time you wanted to for years, even when I didn’t want to. Today, I’m tired, angry and feeling extremely down, so no, I’m not going to fuck you.”

“So I can cheat on you if I want to now.” She copies Juyeon by looking at the road, noticing how close they’re to their house already. He doesn’t need to look at her to know that there’s a smirk painted on her face.

“I guess I can’t stop you. But I think it’s a little childish that you decide to cheat on me because I deny you sex for the first time in years. Damn, can’t you touch yourself or something? It’s not like you need me that much.” They have arrived already, but they remain inside the car, still looking to the front in an attempt of avoiding each other. 

She doesn’t even bother to reply. Juyeon hears the loud sound of her high heels against the garage’s concrete floor when she gets off the car and walks to their apartment, but he stays inside for a little more, thinking about everything, and anything at the same time.

This is the first time in five years that they have fought. And all because of sex. Even if their relationship is not good nor real, there has never been a place for an argument. Juyeon notices now, as he turns the engine on again, that it was because of his pliant nature. He always, absolutely  _ always _ agrees to whatever Sooyoung asks for. Not just only with sex, but with everything in general. She maybe doesn’t like him, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t use him as he pleases, dragging him around and ordering him to do everything. If he thinks about it, she has been this way ever since they were young. Them being in a relationship was just another reason to keep on doing it.

He doesn’t know where he’s driving towards, but he doesn’t really care about his destiny. After half an hour he finds himself downtown, the busy Seoul streets filled to the brim even on this Sunday evening. Subconsciously, he’s driving towards the pubs area, where dozens of people gather in little crowds, queuing to enter the different clubs that are opening tonight. He parks in the first available place he finds and wanders around the streets, taking a few glances inside the open doors of the pubs and bars to see what goes on inside.

This is also the first time he’s frequenting a place like this. His only partying experiences are pretty limited to the shitty house parties Taehyun often forces him to attend. He has never been in a club like these, never done any of this.

After a few minutes of mindlessly walking in circles on the same street, he decides to enter the club with the least queue to wait for. He doesn’t see anything apart from darkness and dim lights when he glances inside, and it manages to make his skin buzz. He realizes he doesn’t have a plan for the first time in his life. When he finally steps into the club, the first thing he notices is the strong smell of tobacco and alcohol that fills the air, the first one startling him as, supposedly, smoking inside wasn’t allowed. 

The second thing he notices is the empty seat on the bar that he almost runs to take. There’s nobody on the other side of the counter, so he just sits and patiently waits. He looks around, to the people surrounding him, but doesn’t really see anyone that catches his attention. On the dancefloor, both girls and boys dance as rampant to the loud music that the DJ is playing, some heavy EDM beat that makes his whole body vibrate along with the bass. 

“Hey beautiful, you look lost.” A masculine but sweet voice makes him turn his face to the counter again, meeting eyes with probably the most beautiful man he has ever had the pleasure to witness. There’s a stunning closed-smile painted on his rosy pink lips, the sparkling glitter on his cheekbones almost being a reflection of the way his eyes shine under the now blue lights. He has his brunet hair tied up in a bun, two little wisps falling over his face, which makes him look even more angelic. 

It takes a few seconds for Juyeon to fully process what the man said, too dazed by his beauty.

“Sorry, what?” He shifts his stool closer to the counter, leaning on his elbows over the marble surface. From this close, he can see the small mole that decorates the perfect bridge of his nose.

“I said, that you look lost.” His smile doesn’t seem to be leaving any time soon, getting even a little bigger when he imitates his position and leans on the counter too. “Anything to drink?”

“Yeah.” Juyeon decides to sit back, feeling that if they stayed that close just for a little longer, the desire to kiss his beautiful lips would be stronger than his common sense. “Give me the best that you have, please. The strongest, too.”

“Can I know what’s your name?” The man says as he expertly pours copper-like liquor inside a glass that’s already filled with two ice cubes, later adding what looks like an energetic beverage and mixing everything with a straw, not giving him the glass without putting just two drops of lemon juice as well.

“Only if you tell me yours.” Juyeon feels pathetic about his flirting abilities, but, being honest with himself, he hasn’t flirted in all of his life.

There wasn’t anyone before Sooyoung. No highschool lovers and no college hook-ups. She was his first time for everything — a relationship, a kiss, a fuck —, so obviously he is inexperienced now that he has to apply all that he has seen in the movies into real life. He figures he must’ve sounded stupid, with the laugh that comes from the man’s mouth, but it sounds so beautiful that Juyeon lets his ego be hurt just for the sake of hearing it again. 

“I’m Hyunjae.” He leans on the counter once again, staring at him with dark, deep eyes until he tastes what he has prepared for him. Just like Juyeon asked for, the alcohol is strong, almost scratching his throat on its way down, but it also tastes sweet, so he drinks a little more and lets his head get dizzy, half thanks to the liquor and half thanks to Hyunjae. “Are you going to tell me your name now, beautiful?”

“Juyeon.” He simply says, adding a smile at the end of the word, noting down a win when he sees him slightly blush. Juyeon knows he’s attractive. But he still hasn’t discovered to what extent he can use his beauty. “Is this work too busy for you? You seem like you have a lot of free time, hm?”

“Does my presence bother you, Juyeon?” Hyunjae tilts his head back slightly and takes off the small bun on top of his head, letting the dark curls frame his sculpted face. The sight is breathtaking for Juyeon, who decides to giggle in an attempt to hide his blush, denying with his head to Hyunjae’s question. “This is a busy work, yes, but I can make time for you.”

“I appreciate that.” Juyeon eyes him as he sips on his cocktail again, orbs darkened in something he could call  _ want. _

“Oh baby, I know you do.”

“Do you usually flirt with your clients, Hyunjae?” Juyeon tries his best to look smug, leaning a little closer to be able to see him better. He decides that he likes him when Hyunjae licks his lips as a response, himself leaning even closer and whispering his next words.

“Only with the hot ones.” The comment makes Juyeon blush now, earning a warm laugh from the long-haired. “You still look lost though, sweetheart. What has brought you here?”

Juyeon smiles at the reminder. If he thinks about what Sooyoung must be doing right now, he figures that she must be on their bed, with another man. Maybe two. Or three. Or maybe a woman. Or two, he doesn’t know. Sooyoung is not shy about her fantasies, and Juyeon  _ knows _ that she would like that. Because she has asked for people to join them before, and Juyeon always kindly rejects the idea. If he doesn’t like sex with her, he prefers not experiencing it with more complete strangers for him. 

Even if he’s falling for the complete stranger he has just met.

“Got a rough day.” He finishes his glass and slides it towards Hyunjae, silently asking him for the refill he happily pours in. 

“And would you mind telling me about it? I’m kinda bored, you know?”

Juyeon doesn’t need to look at their surroundings to know that Hyunjae has work to do. Two co-workers attend more clients than what they should, everything while Hyunjae grabs a stool that hid under the counter and sits on his side, locking eyes with him in an attempt to urge him to speak again. 

“Whatever you say.” Juyeon laughs. He’s already feeling dizzy, which would scare him in a normal situation, but now, he just aches for more. “My parents are forcing me to marry a girl, and we fought today.” 

He tries to downplay it, because it doesn’t really matter to him. They don’t have other options but to stay together, so it’s not important if they fight. Their deal is broken now, so their life might change a little from now on — people frequenting the house to fuck her, Sooyoung going out more than usual — but again, it doesn’t matter much to Juyeon. He doesn’t like her, so it’s not like her loss hurts. On the contrary, he feels almost relieved now, years of sexual repression finally ending today.

“Why did you fight?” As Hyunjae seems to be genuinely curious, Juyeon decides to give him the real answer instead of the fake one he had been planning inside his head. 

“Because I didn’t want to fuck her.” The words carry more weight than what Juyeon meant them to, but now it’s too late to fix that. He drowns in more than half of the glass at once, tilting his head back to empty it. Hyunjae doesn’t miss the way his Adam's apple moves as he swallows, and wonders what it would feel like to kiss his honey skin. 

“And she got mad because you didn’t want to fuck her? What are you, her slave?” Hyunjae doesn’t mean to hurt with his words, but they irremediably do anyway. 

“I am, apparently. She always demands for it, and I couldn’t say no for a deal we had.” He smiles when he sees Hyunjae filling his glass again without even having to ask for it. It’s been fairly around three years since the last time he drank alcohol, and God if he missed the lightheaded feeling it gives him. “She’s probably getting railed right now, so I’m the only one losing tonight.”

“You don’t care that she cheats on you.”

“I thought I would, but I actually don’t. She’s free to do whatever she wants, I don’t love her.”

“So you would cheat on her as well.”

Juyeon knows where Hyunjae’s words lead. Or at least he wants to think he knows. Maybe those eight words lead to Hyunjae’s bed, or to the back room, or to the dark alley right next to the club. Or maybe, they don’t lead anywhere. He thinks he should stop being delusional for the first time in his whole life, but he still says what he thinks next.

“I would cheat on her.” Even he is surprised when he notices that he’s actually telling the truth. He came here to cheat on her, just like she’s cheating on him right now. Juyeon doesn’t regret it, even less when he sees the way Hyunjae’s face lights up. He must admit that he has never thought of being with a man, he has never felt attracted by one. He knows how  _ that _ works, but that’s as far as his knowledge about same-sex relationships goes. Even given that he has never thought of it, he’s still willing to try now.

“That’s not something a good boy would do.” Juyeon swears he can see the way Hyunjae’s pulse accelerates as he boldly speaks, leaning closer than he has been the rest of the night. They could kiss right now, it should be easy given their positions. Still, none of them move until Juyeon speaks again.

“Yeah, but nobody said that I’m a good boy.”

He must’ve said something right, seeing how Hyunjae flinches and the blood rushes to his ears, the milky skin now flushed pink. Juyeon finds himself smirking and lightly biting his lower lip, all while keeping eye contact with him. It makes Hyunjae open his eyes wide, his pupils blown out in desire.

“Wanna go out for a smoke?” He’s already standing up and leaving the back of the counter as he finishes the sentence, already predicting what Juyeon’s answer will be.

“As you wish, Hyunjae.”

Juyeon knows that they aren’t going out precisely for a  _ smoke, _ however, he startles when Hyunjae pushes him against the brick wall, a thigh between his own and delicate but strong hands on his shoulders. He lets out a moan that seems to satisfy Hyunjae, seeing as he moves his leg so that he grinds on his thigh, another moan coming out.

“You’re not trying to leave.” Hyunjae leans closer, their noses brushing. Juyeon feels like if they don’t kiss in a second, he might burst into pieces. “So I’m assuming I can kiss you.”

Instead of answering with words, Juyeon moves his head slightly to meet his lips, shyly, not daring to move a single inch, afraid that Hyunjae could break.

“Are you aware of where this can lead?” He whispers against Juyeon’s lips, tickling the sensitive skin with the light brushes. He sticks his tongue out to taste Hyunjae’s lower lip, slowly, sighing when he discovers that his lipgloss is strawberry-flavored. Now that he places his hands on his waist — loving the way that they cover almost all of his middle — is when he grasps that Hyunjae is wearing a sleeveless black crop top that leaves his stomach bare, along with tight leather pants that very poorly hide his already half-hard cock.

Juyeon’s only rational thought is that he  _ aches  _ to see him naked, preferably sprawled on his bed and open for him to enter, deep into his soul until he devours him whole.

“I’m very much aware, Hyunjae.” Juyeon uses the hold he has on his waist to pull him closer, their crotches now meeting. He does better in biting back the moan than Hyunjae does, as he softly groans against his lips. He sounds absolutely  _ delicious. _ “And I want it.”

“So you were serious about cheating on your girlfriend, hm?” He moves his lips downwards, Juyeon almost whining until he feels them again, this time mouthing at his jaw slowly, biting on his skin in a way that he  _ knows _ will leave marks. “You’re  _ such  _ a bad boy, Juyeon.”

Hyunjae keeps moving down his neck until he reaches the collar of his shirt, rushedly unbuttoning the first few buttons with a hand at the same time as he leads his other hand to the bulge between Juyeon’s legs, rubbing it in circles with the heel of his hand. Juyeon leans his head back, both from the pleasure and to leave more room for Hyunjae to kiss away. 

They’re suddenly reminded that they’re in public when a blond boy runs into the alley, stopping dry when he sees the pair and looking at them with shocked eyes. They pull away quickly, Juyeon fixing his shirt and Hyunjae coughing in an attempt to draw the boy’s attention elsewhere than their crotches. 

“The hell are you looking at, kid.” Hyunjae scoffs and runs a hand through his hair, tying it up in a bun again. He feels the urge to grab the blond’s neck and slam him against the brick wall, just for interrupting. He recognizes him as the drug addict that comes almost all Wednesdays, though, so he lets it pass, even if he still plays it cool in front of Juyeon.

“As expected, Jaehyun.” The boy says, and as simply as that, he leaves where he came from. Hyunjae doesn’t explain to Juyeon what the boy meant with that, and it’s not like he has to. They just met in the end, but Juyeon feels bad nonetheless. They don’t pull each other closer even after the boy gets away from them, as much as they want to. It’s as if an invisible barrier had been set in between them, electrocuting them the second they try to touch.

They call it a day then, Hyunjae pleading him to come back next Sunday and Juyeon sealing his promise with a kiss on his cheek that sends a sparkle all over his skin. When he enters his car and sees his reflection on the mirror, he wants to scream. His shirt is a mess, all wrinkled and badly buttoned, and his neck and jaw are painted with blooming red bites. Sooyoung is very probably going to  _ kill him _ when she sees him. He can just hope that she’s in a worse state when he turns on the engine of his car and drives home, not caring about being still slightly drunk: there’s no way he’s going to call Sooyoung to come pick him up. He still has a little bit of pride inside his breaking heart.

He was expecting it, but it still hurts him when, right when he’s going to open the front door of his house, there’s a man walking out. He’s blond, tall, beautiful. He kindly smiles at Juyeon when he sees him. He doesn’t know who he is. Neither does Juyeon. 

“You weren’t supposed to see Daniel.” Sooyoung yells from the hallway when Juyeon enters the house and closes the door behind him, leaving his shoes and his keys by the entrance. When she walks in front of him, heading to the kitchen, she’s only wearing a white thong, nothing else. If she wanted to seduce him in some sort of way, she has failed. Juyeon’s mind can only think about Hyunjae’s lips and their sweet taste. 

“I hope he fucked you well, Sooyoung.” Juyeon is calm, surprisingly for both of them. He was right back in the club with Hyunjae: he doesn’t really care about her cheating on him.

“Wait, what the fuck?” Suddenly, she’s standing in front of him, her eyes wide open staring at the marks on his neck. “You had sex?”

She has an almost panicked expression on her face, glossy eyes now looking up at him. Juyeon can’t help the smile that comes out of his lips, genuinely lighthearted, at how pathetic and hopeless he sees his girlfriend right now. He thinks it is unbelievable that she’s getting mad, sad or  _ whatever _ she’s feeling now because he supposedly had sex when her hipbones and thighs are painted purple with bruises and her lips are kiss-swollen. 

“No, Sooyoung. I didn’t have sex. I told you I wasn’t up for it.” He unbuttons his shirt on his way to their bedroom, and almost chuckles when he hears her following him or when she grabs his forearm trying to stop him. He just needs to shake his arm once for her to let go. Their room stinks like sex and expensive perfume when he walks inside, but again, he doesn’t mind it. It was a deal in the end, and he knew he was breaking it and the consequences that would come with it. 

“What are those hickeys on your skin about, then?” She sounds angry. Juyeon finds it extremely amusing.

“I met someone.” He takes off his slacks and throws them on the messed-up bed, gathering up the things he needs and heads to the bathroom to take a shower. He would’ve fulfilled his mission if it wasn’t for Sooyoung’s tight hold of his shoulder, that makes him stop and turn around to face her.

“Who?” She has tears in her eyes for some reason Juyeon can’t understand. He wants to laugh at her  _ so _ badly. He holds back, though. Because he’s not a bad person, and because he has the common sense Sooyoung is lacking.

“There are things that remain better as a secret, Sooyoung.” He softly gets rid of Sooyoung’s hand on his shoulder and heads to the bathroom, locking the door to make sure that his girlfriend doesn’t join him — like she always does.

That night is the first one in years that they don’t sleep together. Instead, Juyeon politely sets on the couch, squirming in disgust at the feeling of the leather against his bare torso. He can hear, even from the living room, the way Sooyoung cries disconsolately. Now, in the intimacy of the couch, he gives himself the pleasure to laugh. Being honest to himself, he expected this to happen right when he broke their deal. She’s all words, but when it comes to practice, she always chickens out. He knew that she would feel bad after cheating on him, as much as he doesn’t give a fuck. 

Because if she wants to play with their little deal, Juyeon is up for it. He will play.

  
  


*****

  
  


Next Sunday appears to be sooner than what Juyeon thought it would be. The week passes by quickly, and with it, his final exams. On Saturday, he celebrates with his friends, and lets himself drink until he almost passes out for the first time in his life. Minho jokes that he might end up being just like him, even if he likes the change Juyeon had. Juyeon can just laugh it off and keep drinking. 

Sooyoung cheats on him again during the week. And again, and again. Juyeon dares to laugh at her,  _ in front of her. _ She doesn’t have any kind of reaction, which makes Juyeon laugh even more. She brings home plenty of different men in the span of less than seven days. He’s almost always out at college or at the library anyway, so he doesn’t care.

He also spends a lot of his time thinking about Hyunjae. About his sweet lips, his lean body, his curly hair. He just can’t get this stranger out of his head.

“Where are you going?” Sooyoung asks from where she lays on the bed when she sees him dressing up. The sun is setting down the skyline when he looks out of the window. He can’t help but to smile.

“You don’t care.” He says as he checks himself in the mirror. He’s not wearing anything special, nothing more than a white shirt and black jeans, but he still thinks he looks hot.  _ Fuckable, _ even. He confirms his theory when he turns around and sees Sooyoung’s expression, who looks at him with shocked eyes and an open mouth. “Don’t wait for me awake. I’ll be back late.”

“So you’re cheating on me,  _ again?” _

“Sooyoung, you say that as if you didn’t cheat on me at least ten times in a week.” He grabs a blazer from their wardrobe and picks up his car keys, already heading out. “You’re really fussy. Don’t expect me to not want to see other people when each time I come home I smell other men in my own bedsheets. You could at least have some decency and go to a hotel, or something.”

“You’re talking about decency when you openly tell me that you’re going out to cheat on me?” Now it’s Juyeon’s time to stare at her in disbelief. 

“God, Sooyoung, you can’t be for real.” He laughs, exasperated, bringing his hands to his hair and brushing it back. “You’re kidding me, right? You have to be kidding me. There’s no fucking way you’re so stupid.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She’s sincere in her words. Juyeon can see it clearly in her lost eyes. And that’s what scares him.

“Yeah, whatever.” He steps out of the room, but stills in the middle of the hallway to look back at her. “Don’t worry about me if I’m not back tomorrow morning. Have fun with whoever you bring here.”

And with that, and with a smile, he leaves, closing the main door just in time to mute the scream she lets out.

The streets look the same as they did last week, completely full of life and joy. The club also looks the same, the queue short and the lights dim. He sits on the same stool he sat on last week, propping his chin on his hands and patiently waiting. Hyunjae was the one to tell him to come, Juyeon assumes he must be somewhere here. He’s working, in the end, so he must be busy. 

Another bartender is the one to give him his drink, this week opting for a few tequila shots he lets himself drown in immediately. The girl that serves him the shots introduces herself as  _ Sooyoung,  _ which makes Juyeon laugh. She asks why it is funny, and Juyeon replies with an even louder laugh. The alcohol is starting to get across.

“Do you know if Hyunjae is here?” Juyeon asks when she serves him his third shot, still looking around to see if he can find him first.

“Oh, now I know who you are!” She smiles widely, showing her bridle piercing, which glistens under the lights. “He didn’t even work today, but he came just for you. He must really like you, huh?” Juyeon blushes at the implications behind her words, but still smiles. She doesn’t need to say anything else to him, already running to the back room to bring Hyunjae in. 

Now, he can say that he’s nervous. 

He came here with a clear goal in mind: go to Hyunjae’s house, fuck him, stay the night and maybe, if he’s lucky, fuck him again next morning. He has a lecture tomorrow, but he can skip it if it’s for him. Also he wants, no,  _ needs _ to piss his girlfriend off. He wants to come back home with blooming bruises and bites all over his body and shamelessly show them off just like she has been doing all this week. He thinks that’s finally time for him to get his payback. 

Five minutes have passed already since Sooyoung nº2 — Ha Sooyoung, she said, but Sooyoung nº2 seems to be funnier to an  _ extremely  _ drunk Juyeon — left. He’s starting to get impatient, nervously tapping his fingers on the counter and pouring himself another shot, silently hoping that nobody saw him almost spilling it all over, his hands shaking heavily. He shouldn’t be feeling this nervous.

Yet, he is. And he is even more when he sees Sooyoung coming back with a beautiful man following her.

Hyunjae.

“I didn’t think you would come.” He greets him, holding his chin with slender fingers and pressing his lips against Juyeon’s cheek. It makes his skin tingle when he parts. 

“You told me to come next Sunday, so I did.” Juyeon leans on the counter and smiles when he notices the way Hyunjae looks at his almost exposed chest through his half-unbuttoned shirt. He’s getting the exact reaction he was waiting for. “Where are you taking me?”

Now Hyunjae is the one to chuckle, getting out from behind the counter and taking his hand.

“Why are you assuming that we will go somewhere, hm? What do you want us to do?”

“I will be clear with this one.” Juyeon grabs Hyunjae’s shoulders and turns him so that they face each other, a little too close but he’s too drunk to care. “I want to fuck you, I want you to cover my body in marks that everyone can see. I want you.”

“We’re trying to make someone jealous here, am I wrong baby?” He brings himself closer when he sees Juyeon squirm at the petname, reaching up to caress his heated cheek. “I can give you what you want.”

And Hyunjae is a man of his word. 

That night, between heated kisses and wrinkled bed sheets, Juyeon discovers the reason why people seem to like sex so much. Hyunjae feels around him like Sooyoung has never — and  _ will never _ — felt, so tight and warm and  _ perfect.  _ He does his part as well, bruising every inch of skin his lips could reach all along Juyeon’s neck and chest, leaving more faint marks on his thighs and stomach. He stays the night, as he told Sooyoung he would, falling asleep with Hyunjae’s naked body curled by his side, his little snores being probably the most adorable thing Juyeon has ever heard.

The next morning, it’s the sunlight coming from the curtains that wakes him up. Hyunjae is still curled by his side, and his little snores are still audible. Juyeon accidentally wakes him up when he yawns, but Hyunjae just smiles up at him and moves to join their lips.

He’s lucky, and fucks him again.

“Are you going already?” Hyunjae asks as he sees him getting dressed three hours before they woke up. 

“Yes, I have class.” He simply says, looking down at him with doe eyes. Hyunjae is laying down on the bed, still naked, phone in hand aimlessly scrolling through meaningless social media. 

“And you say that now? You fucked me twice this morning baby, and it’s 1 pm already.” It’s true, he fucked him on the bed, with the early morning sun tinting his milky skin thousands of golden shades, and he fucked him on the kitchen, too. Because, damn, who walks around naked while making stupid little pancakes and expects  _ not _ to be bent on the counter? “You’re not going to class.”

“You caught me.” He finishes fastening his belt and takes his shirt, letting it hang loosely on his shoulders and later hovering over Hyunjae, taking the phone from his hands and placing it on the nightstand before kissing him. It is softer than the ones they have exchanged before, their lips almost melting with each other’s and their small pleased sounds also softer. Juyeon doesn’t want to ever part from him. Still, he does. “I can’t risk being out for so long. My girlfriend is so fucking crazy, she might call my parents.”

“I don’t care about her.” He wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him even closer if possible, kissing over the marks on Juyeon’s jaw. “Don’t you want to stay?”

Juyeon thinks about the answer for a second too long. Yes, he wants to stay. Of course he does. He wants to stay and escape from the nightmare that his life is. But he knows that he can’t. He’s not engaged with Sooyoung for nothing. His parents have never explicitly said anything, but he knows that there’s money in between.

There’s always money in between.

“I do. But I can’t, and you know that.” He presses one last kiss to his  _ always _ sweet lips, and gets off the bed. Hyunjae doesn’t try to follow him when he leaves his room with a smile, or when he hears the main door opening and closing. It’s not because he doesn’t want to: he would run after him just to make him stay. But as Juyeon said, he can’t stay.

He has a bad feeling Juyeon doesn’t pay attention to when he’s driving home. He feels that the world is suddenly too quiet. There aren’t any birds tweeting when he parks his car and enters his home.

Sooyoung doesn’t greet him either. Her keys are at the entrance, so she should be home. She could be sleeping, so Juyeon silently takes off his shoes and walks towards their room.

She’s there, as he expected.

But she’s dead, her body laying flat on the bed with a knife stuck in her chest.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonsbbin) or on [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/moonsbbin).


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